13:08 < Xenothaulus> ...
13:08 < Xenothaulus> no, there isn't.
Abstract
posted 2003.01.30 at 19:38 by solios
Lords of Chaos | You thought your youth was fucked up?
1993-current | 93-99 actual | 96-00 dev revision A. | dev revision B is pending.
Abstract
When I say that my teen years were a turbulent mess of pyschic goop, I mean it. Reality has since calmed itself down considerably by virtue of figuring out how to deal with things on my own terms. Back in the day, before I figured any of this out, I "forked" my life between fictional and actual, and used the fictional bits as a sort of free-fire zone by which to make sense of it all. Eventually, something incredibly odd happened- I met one of the characters that had, until that point, been totally fictional. Fucked with my head a bit, that did- hence the suspension of dev. revision A.
When I say this material is old, I mean it is old. Dated. Antiquated. The material contained here does not reflect my present writing style at all, to put it mildly. I'm better. Probably more typo-ridden, as I've since learned to touch-type, but better regardless. I'm also a lot less prone to dipping my psyche into whatever is wandering around and channelling it out through words. Which, while this makes me less prone to "spontaneous" creativity of the weird sort, gurantees that whatever I produce these days isn't something I'm going to look back on in a few years and think "huh?".
More practice than anything else, most of what's here could be considered "work files", as none of it is in a complete state and some of it flat-out makes me wonder about the state I was in when I wrote it.
I'm also wondering what crack Office has been smoking, as it apparently doesn't like converting .rtf to .html. So some of this has been munged in the formatting. My typwritten journal salvage from the NCR and the 520 is a mess- a psychic mess of blurry lines. I can't really tell the difference in some cases, with regards to what's fiction and what's not, and it's probably a good thing. Yay self-actualized adjustment! This isn't everything, by a long shot- it's the stuff that I could easily and quickly filter out from everything else and slap together.
Mainly because I know somebody is going to read it.
Which, generally speaking, is sufficient motivation to not put it up,
but you get the idea.
===
Appended to the original abstract:
So this thing is more or less up and trying to roll in some direction, which may or may not be a good thing. What we have in "past tense" is things as percieved at the time- a time in which I was still getting my shit together, largely an asshole, and generally somewhat undereducated and highly influenced compared to present time.
Then there's also the fact that I don't really consider myself a writer, and a lot of what's in Past Tense was written while I was still figuring out the plot details for whatever piece in question, which is why some of it stops abruptly. I don't consider anything in past tense to be a reflection on my present capacity as a writer- I suck, but I sucked more in the past. Live with it, and judge that pile of smelliness accordingly.
What's lurking back there in the past could be best considered a developmental alpha- snapshots of the early development stage while still in very close proximity to the source material that has inspired the project.
So don't take it as anything else.
Thad (sketch, 2000)
posted 2000.01.30 at 20:17 by solios
More to see how Moveable Type handles embedded graphics in uploads, and to see rather or not I have the background color for Mercury sampled properly than anything else.
This would be something of a self portrait, minus the weapon, and the fact that the time applied (1997), I had the build, but not the hair- I sort of swapped one for the other.
And that's a gun tucked in the waistband there, scooter. Calm down.
Cafe on a Cold Street (1999)
posted 1999.01.30 at 19:36 by solios
17 August 1999 - the last confirmed piece of LOC fiction. The project went into suspension shortly after this for what I can only call "obvious reasons." Written during The Lovecraft Phase, in an attempt to weld LOC into what will eventually become Modern Angel. The MA project was put into deep freeze around the same time LOC was put on hold.This particular piece goes into more depth than "The Attic" on the gender identity conflict which raged from 1994 through its ultimately strange demise in 2000.
===
A cafe on a cold street | Exploring the morbid duality of Self
Read the rest of Cafe on a Cold Street (1999).
On the March (1999)
posted 1999.01.30 at 19:29 by solios
This blurb is from around the same time as Desperate Times. In fact, I'd reread the piece, found it lacking, and attempted to start over. There's a decent amount of material to this entry, some of which is on target for where I was trying to take things at the time. Taken in the face of "obvious reasons", it's all obsolete- but good practice, nevertheless.This piece has been titled posthumously, as it has not had one until now.
===
On the March | Sometime in early 1999
Read the rest of On the March (1999).
Desperate Times (1999)
posted 1999.01.30 at 19:24 by solios
Available technology and style, as well as some hazy memories, put this in early 1999. The amount of stress I was under at that point in time- both from the TheRapist and school- would account for the addled, neo-christist content. The mind uses the reference points on hand as it grasps to get a handle on a situation beyond comprehension. Also only a few paragraphs, fortunately. I can't give this one more than a cursory skim: the content makes me quite happy that I am where I am now- I'd much rather be here than there.There sucked, really.
===
Desperate Times | Sometime in early 1999
Read the rest of Desperate Times (1999).
The Attic (1998)
posted 1998.01.30 at 19:19 by solios
Buildup to a mind-dive that doesn't happen. Excursion of the higher self outside the confines of the conflict.Written at the bottom of Squirrel Hill, Pittsburgh, in the summer of 1998. School, as one can doubtless infer, can get pretty stressful.
After a brief skim of a few segments, I've decided I don't mind this one too much- though the end of it sucks, in my opinion, as there isn't one. Also, it could do with a thorough edit, particularly run up against a thesaurus... but that's not what this is about. These documents are here to be preserved as-is, with a few minor adjustments for clarity and/or exposition.
====
The Attic : A conflict of Wills | 17 August 1998
Read the rest of The Attic (1998).
Bedlam (1997)
posted 1997.01.30 at 15:37 by solios
This piece is so old, it's moldy. A straight paste from html source generated by Word back in the day, so it's going to smell funny, regardless.I'm deploying Bedlam first for a couple of reasons- it's a test of category filtering with MT, and it's a cohesive, albeit dated, snapshot from the early evolution of things. Nevermind the fact that it's five years old, yo.
The cheese is pretty fierce and egotistical- all I have to say about that is that when this was written, it was cold, I was 18, and I was much less informed and mature than I am now with regards to the workings of pretty much anything. Originally written on an NCR 486 laptop at the house I grew up in, on holiday break from the Art Institute.
Nobody's born good. It takes practice: this would be some of it. :P
Woomp, here it is: